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The Third Sheet · Parish of Thaddeus-upon-Avon
The Parish Newsletter
To be sung to its own tune.
One piece of music in two parts, issued inside an eight-page parish newsletter for a village that does not exist, written throughout by a local historian who does not exist either. Sold poorly. The newsletter has since been reproduced twice by people unaware there was a record attached.
- 01The Parish Newsletter, Part One19:40
Occupies side one. Harold Peake's obituary is reproduced on page four of the newsletter, exactly as sung.
The words, as sung
The service is at eleven There will be no service on the twelfth The flowers are the Wilcox family And the boiler has been looked at This is the parish newsletter Eight pages, folded once Everything that happened here Since the last one There is a dispute about a hedge Between the Sallows and the Peakes It has been running eleven months It will run eleven more Bring and buy on the Saturday In aid of the roof The roof has been in aid of For as long as I have lived here Nothing in here is important I want to be clear about that It is a hedge, and a boiler, and a roof And it is the whole of the world Harold Peake, of the lower road Died on the second, at home Eighty-one. Kept bees. That is the entire obituary. Eighty-one. Kept bees. There is nothing else that needs to go in.
- 02The Parish Newsletter, Part Two18:20
Occupies side two. W. E. Sallow carries the byline on every article in the newsletter, including the letter criticising the band. Bordeaux has confirmed he wrote all of it.
The words, as sung
There is a letter in this issue On page six, below the times It is about the band that plays here And it is not complimentary Sir — I write regarding the group Who performed at the fete I do not know what they are doing And I do not think they do He says we are too loud for a marquee He says the flute is showing off He says the drummer wore a costume Which was, he notes, quite good We printed it. We did not answer it. It is a fair letter and it stands. A newsletter that only prints the pleasant things Is not a newsletter. W. E. Sallow, local historian Has the byline on page one And page three, and page six And on the letter about us You will ask me at some point Whether any of this is true I have kept the register since 1988 And I have never once written a lie in it The service is at eleven. The flowers are the Wilcox family. The village is real.